I'm just chilling her at the SB.  I'm wondering what the heck is this thing called life is.  We work to get things what ever that is , and then loose them.  I lost a big part of my life when Caroline decided to break everything off.  Damn, that was a blind side.  I'm still recovering,  I see pictures of her in everything of mine.  Even Hunter.  I know how much she Love's that cat.  Hunter has been through so much with me over the years.  I thank God daily for the gift that is Hunter.  I just hope that I can make the right choices now that I'm back in Colorado.  I want so many different things that, for the most part not good for me.  But what am I to do?  I have need too, just like everybody else.  I need to be loved and to be herd.  I need to company that only the nights sky can offer.  I feel like I'm like everybody else.  But, I know that I'm different and in that special.  Not little yellow bus special.  (Not that lucky) but I hope that I know what I mean.  Let alone who ever reads this.  Why is it so hard to find a woman the is as passionate about me as I am about her?  I think that there is somebody out there for every person, but sometimes I wonder if I'm the exception.  I feel like I'm a drifter and I'm just passing by.  In the larger picture I guess that's true and we are all just passing through, but damn it I want somebody to help with the passing of the time that I'm here on the earth.  I thought twice that I had found that person, on the first swing I was WAY off.  Nuts that one.  Then the other, I thought that there was really something there.  I might be dwelling on the whole thing, but is that not part of the process?  A larger part of me still prays for her and wishes the best, and the other littler part is still bitter.  I think its that way for the rest of the time...  I care too much for those that I love..  I've asked my self if I should be more like an ass, but People have told me not.  I hope that I can find something to help me be motivated to get through nursing school..  Man do I ramble or what.....